Splintered Glass: The Longest Weekend

Sunday 15th April 2007

 

Splintered Glass: The Longest Weekend

Soon I'll be saying hello to another weekend!!  Wee eee!! .... OR NOT.  In my case half a loaf is better than none.  Its the ONLY day in the whole week that I finish at 6pm.  What can I say??  April is just not the month for me.  Its exam month so I'm close to working like 24 7.  *sighs*  I'll be grateful once this month is soooooooooo over!!

 

From the 11th April or even before that emotions for Baby and me were like riding a tidal wave!  The Jackpot question on L.O.V.E .... Princess use to say that Love is a Pretty Dirty Thing.  My relationship with Jazzmann was always a question of wonder"ment" to her.  How hard could it be to leave someone who was and is hurting you.

 

UNTIL the longest weekend came ..... It was ONLY now that she understood what love is.  There is a saying "Can't live with them and CAN'T live without them!". 

 

1)  Why do we subject ourselves to such hurt when they don't even seem to bother?

- I don't know baby.  I don't have an answer to this question.

 

2)  Why can we ONLY love when man while they can love many??

- I don't know baby.  I don't have an answer to this question either.  That's why Muslim man or Mormons are allowed to have four or many wives respectively while we only faithfully serve one man.

 

Actually Baby .... I don't know allot of things you ask me that night.

 

I'm glad we had a talk on Sat 14th April 2007 and I really don't mind the wee hours chat.  I'm glad in a way that you finally understood my feelings.  I wanted to protect you soooo very bad for I love you sooooo very much.  Chomelanggun and I never EVER wanted you to even have a taste of what we had and ARE experiencing.

 

You are certainly growing up.  I'd rather you hurt me than hurt yourself.  I'd rather be the one that is suffering than to see you suffer.

 

Coming back after work on a Sun 15th April I expected the condition of the our domain to be as you have painted THAT picture to me the night before.  But it was just a picture in my mind.  JUST A PICTURE.  Until the actual scene I witness.  Only than did I realise what you meant when you said "I UNDERSTAND NOW."

 

Splintered glass, wounds barely healed ...... physical torture we always hope that it will lessen the heartache internally.  BUT it never does.  I hide behind my work.  Work is sometimes my only escape.  It does not always help I know and I KNOW YOU NOW know that too.

 

I did my best to clean up all traces of that horrific incident.  Its a nightmare that will soon pass ... G.R.A.D.U.A.L.L.Y.....  cleaning it up with such sadness.  In the midst I too bled and suddenly the old feeling of THAT pain came back like a nightmare. 

 

So young yet so grown up and so much strength I see in you.  I was sort of grateful for the interruption of thoughts when suitors for our domain came. .........